Warped Mind

And I'm losing my favourite game

I’m losing my loneliness
My popularity

I’m losing my appetite
My contentment

I’m losing my sleep
My consciousness

My mind
My life
Myself

Again

Late nights are not my favourite part of the day anymore.

The pills make me sleepy. Or so I think. But they are just supposed to be tranquillisers.

I sit in my couch and dose off…with the radio blaring, with some soap running on TV, with a book in my hand.

I am forced to stay awake and open the door. It’s when the bell rings endlessly that I even hear it, open the door, force a, “hey, you’re back. I’m too tired to talk. G’ night! Mwuuuuuaaaaaah.”

I drag myself to bed and find that I’m more awake than I was a couple of minutes ago. Sigh!

There is silence in the air. All I can hear is the clock ticking and myself breathing. I count sheep, meditate, stare at the ceiling and finally fall asleep.

zzzzzzzzzzz

My dreams are getting more and more disturbing. Actually negative. Very negative.

I wake up the house with my blood-curdling scream at 2 in the night. Mom asks, “what’s wrong with you? What did you dream of?” I make up a story. Making up such stuff comes naturally to me now.

And the worst part is that I remember them when I wake up. So the negativity kind of lingers on. Follows me throughout the day.

It’s funny, but life was so much better last week.




Aah, but that’s just a fragment of the whole story.

posted by J @ 3:00 pm Comments: 8