Dear R,
Remember those years when you’d follow me everywhere I go… even to the loo.
Remember those days when you couldn’t sleep without talking to me on phone… even if its past midnight.
Remember those days when you’d go shopping for nail enamel to match my clothes… and paint my nails at the client’s office.
Remember that night when you bitched about me to her of all people… I don’t believe you did that… and you still keep coming back to me as if nothing happened?
Oh man, I hate you so, no wonder you are first on my list.
Dear Z,
You don’t look as good as you think you do.
And I don’t look as bad as you think I do.
You aint as smart as you think you are.
And I’m not as stupid as you think I am.
I wonder how you made my mom think you’re such a nice guy.
I wonder how you keep making up after all that double/triple/multiple crossing.
I’ll make sure you die single.
Dear S,
Thanks for screwing up my relationship with Z… well, actually I really am thankful.
After all that viscous venom spitting from me, I wonder how you do what you do.
Trust me, I haven’t ever seen anyone like you before. No one can be as desperate as you.
Dear V
The wait is over.
I tried, tried hard... not to be the super bitch... not then I realized it would do me more bad than good... and that’s all that matters to me...so there... here’s the negative outburst:
You suck! I dunno how I could stand you for as long as I did. Now I understand why people say I'm unbelievable! If I said I don’t like you it would be the understatement of the year. You are SO fake. Such a loser. Such a braggart.
Phew, I needed to get all that crap outa my system.
Dear G
I just love to hate you… hate to love you.
I need to figure out the most painful way to kill someone.
And when I do figure that out…
I’ll make you talk
I’ll make you give me the answers to all questions
I’ll make you beg for mercy… for life.
At least I’ll sleep well after that.
Dear R, V and T,
Fuck you guys. If I would haveta judge who’s the biggest ditcher of ‘em all… it would be a tie between you guys. And the best part is that you all keep ditching each other! Tsk Tsk Tsk
Dear aRKee,
You should have known better than to play pranks on a prankster baby.
I don’t hate you enough.
But I wanna do it just for the heck of it… for fun.
I think I’m getting addicted to it now.
Dear M
Don’t ask me why you’re on this list. Maybe because you wouldn't mind doing it for me?
That makes a perfect 10… the perfect 10 to kill. Ah, no… maybe I’ll add K instead of M. Hmm… yeah, that sounds better.
posted by J @ 5:32 pm
Comments: 69
69 Comments:
The first step to finding inner peace is to forgive, and forget.
Ah who am I kidding. Never forgive, and never forget. Most importantly, never forgive.
WOW... the hate list... you really inspire me! ;D
On compassionate grounds at least, you could have included me in the list. I will never forgive you for this. Never.
Dear J,
I am glad my initials don't appear on that hitlist!:D
Can I get two balcony tickets for the big day when you use
your 5 point palm exploding heart techniques on these bunch
of losers?
Love,
Jax
I know one thng for sure.There are a couple of understatements here.
For the start of a new year, we are definitely kicking off on the right foot! Way to go!
Jesus!
@Pundit
absolutey!
@Chaos
did i?
@Madhavan
on WHAT grounds?
@Jax
y do u want 2 tickets?
@A
yeah rite. plus, u aint featured.
@June-an
yo baby!
Dont ask ridiculous Qs. You are a warped mind, trump up some charge.
Or, better idea: I could do something and get into the list. What do I have to do to get myself into the list.
HA HA HA
And if you thot getting into my list was as easy as that... you are bloody wrong!
i am thinking of doing the same exercise myself... i am sure it'll be really tough to shortlist top 10... as there are so many!!! :D
nopes. beg to disagree. methinks, given an opportunity and sufficient guidance i could make it to thy hate list and mebbe even make it to the top.
c'mon, how can single letters, like T, U, V, R compete against a name like MADHAVANKUTTY PILLAI. Now count the number of letters in that...
and just when i was almost over the top at the thought of all of your blog having been gobbled by the great computer of today(since i am only halfway through reading all your posts) i see its back, in all its murkiness
huge sigh of relief
*sees the list..
runs as far as possible and laughs..
thinks carefully if one of those letters can be ..........
hell no.
and j, dont worry anytime u wanna beat up anyone.. me is the person..
take care sweets..will mail ya tom.. tata
evil mind at work :D....
@Chaos
u can make a long list... but the q is... would you really kill them? I would!
@Madhavan
U'll havta find the opportunity
Only a loser needs guidance
Nobody can make it to the top. Its reserved for G. Gawd, i hate him so... i cud eat him up.
@Southpaw
OK?
@GGGGW
Yeah! After monday, i'm sure u're the one who's gonna help me! :D
@Jaddish
Who? Me? Evil?
Why are we into all this?
Happy New Year, J! :)
What did I do now?
HOLY COW..that is one helluva list...and well am glad that am not in the list...When do we meet dodo...give me a buzz sometime..take care and a Happy New year:)
hmm... point to ponder upon... may be!!!
Forgot to ask this earlier, sorry:
R painted ur nails at the client's office. why? why at the client's office? why not someplace else? what's this new trick which no one taught me? what happens when someone paints ur nails? why would someone want to paint someone else's nails, of all things? was he into the nail polish business?
Well… u r late. But I’ll be kind to u n answer ur q bcuz u promised to send me a big carton of my fav chocolates.
R painted ur nails at the client's office. Why? R was this miserable soul who was obsessed with my nails. He was basically in love with them. He’d even cry if one of my nails chipped off. So our man, R, loved painting my nails.
Why at the client's office? Why not someplace else? He did that in the client’s office bcuz that’s the only place the 2 of us wud be alone, with nothing better to do. U see, I was never attracted to R. He was 2 yrs younger than me but looked 3½ years older. He cudnt possibly sit and paint my nails at my office cuz he was scared of being called my chamcha.
What happens when someone paints ur nails? He gets to hold my hand!
Why would someone want to paint someone else's nails, of all things? I dunno… ask R.
Was he into the nail polish business? No. He was into Risk Consulting.
two year younger??? and now you are a child molester too
NO i'm not.
i mean 2 yrs minus my age doesnt make him a kid.
unless u think i'm a kid too.
And in any case, didnt i tell u? i was least interested in him.
he 'WAS' into risk consulting.
that sounds a littel ominous. have you finished him off already...
and now, where did i hear this - 'ANYONE BELOW 25 IS A KID'.
where did i hear it.
i just cant seem to remember
hahaha... R is into it.. and he gets blasphemed as well.. thats so cool.. hahhaha.. lets have more of R bashing.. just for the heck of it!
Get a room *muhahahah*
Madhavan, i dont think i said that! Well, even if i did... my opinions have cahnged after yday. And R WAS into the risk consulting shit. He's into some other crap now. I havent finished him yet.
My dear Anon bro,
Its NOT the R u'r thinking :D
But rite now i'm in the mood for bashing up any R in the world.
AI, I shall drop off ur CD at Java city this week for sure! PROMISE!
Room? wot room? :p
Dont call me Madhavan. Call me M. I wanna feel included in the group.
NO Mr. Madhavankutty Pillai... i wont call u M.
and now, where did i hear this -'the name is Pillai, Madhavankutty Pillai'
where did i hear it.
i just cant seem to remember
That was from a James Bond movie and the name of James Bond's boss is M and that is me, M.
SHUDDUP!
now dont try n copy me ok?
u were the one who said u dont like these single letter names!
okay, then call me Buta Singh. it has always been my cherished dream that my name be Buta Singh. I just love the name, Buta Singh. Please please call me Buta Singh, JayashrEE Jayaraman
i shall call u Buta singh if u get my name right!
ok, Jasayhir Jarayanam. happy now.
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa
mommy...mdahanav is making fun of me? shoot him!
noooooo. no mommy. please donna tella mummy. mommy, she started it.
and now let me also tell you her side of the story...she started it
Mommy has always been proud abt how smart a kid i am.
i have a print of all these comments rite now in my hand.
its hard core proof.
HeeeHaaawHeeeHaaawHeeeHaaaw!
Now lemme see u convince my mommy.
so is that it? M n J hav lost it finally?
Rider!
I dont believe this!
How can YOU of all peepul say that I have lost it?
Its Madhavan who's lost it. actually he didnt lose it, he never had it :p
"two years minus ur age".. sorry i can count only uptil two digits..
jokes aside.. am offended by "@GGGGW
Yeah! After monday, i'm sure u're the one who's gonna help me! :D" comment..
for the fact that i am having black herbal tea in office ... man i miss coffee..
u know why :P//
oh yeah.. i can beat up anyone.. so lemme know..
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha....*catch my breath* ok...!so was it cathartic??
ho blimey.. a thousand apologies J..
when u say he has lost it, what do u mean by it?
i never had it and so i didnt lose anything. you had it and you have lost it. which means i have lost nothing and you have lost everything.
to explain further, consider that i never had any marbles and you had about one-half. now we compete and since i didnt have anything, i am left with nothing. so i am as rich or as poor or as marbleless as before. now you, who had a half of it, has lost that and so you are poorer by half and what more you are bankrupt. so technically, i am the winner though i have won nothing and am as marbleless as before.
so i win, says the rulebook. and you know what the rulebook says about disagreeing with the rules.
Is it this new template or is it because of the blue and white combo? The words seem to be coming out of monitor, like a 3D movie. Am I just drunk?
2 tickets for me and my emotional baggage!
Well.welll.welll what do we have here?
This sounds so much like my group Email to all my school buddies who were at one point such great friends ( some of them still are) and the ones who personify double standards, and play smart aSS...... got the message from me just before the New Year.
MAde some really bad enemies out of my so called good friends. But they deserved it..evry bit of it.and no regrets at all.
Better not to have such frenz at all ....
Way to go!!
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGW, all I meant was… u r SO strong… can beat up anyone! :D
Rapz, u bet!
Rider, see he’s accepted it!
Madhavan, my rulebook says ur dumb rulebook is all wrong... all crap. Now learn to accept it gracefully and live with it ok?
Sheesh man where on earth would you find a rulebook that gives useless examples about situations that don’t exist? Oh that’s a compliment dear madhavankutty pillai… ur rulebook is one of a kind… u wont ever find a soulmate if you wanted to get it married… tsk tsk tsk
Jax, I think u’r high on ur emotional baggage. Is she hot?
Shals, Yo baby!
TPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP, I missed u sooooooooooooooo much that I could kill u. happy? :p
The A-Z of murder? Whats with that post anyway :-/
I can almost hear Metallica playing in the background(Kill 'em all).
SOx, i'm jus flushing all the evil outa my system and outa this world :D
how about ur rulebook. ur rulebook cud marry my rulebook which is a wifebeater but then all thingies come with a catchie, no.
my rulebook is not dumb
my rulebook is not a wife beater
my rulebook has just one rule: NO RULES.
wots the catch?
dowry. you gotta pay me dowry for mah rulebook to marry urs since there is pleanty of substnce in mah rulebook and ur rulebook is practically empty and useless.
Ms. Rulebook has a lota spunk n attitude, she says she'd rather be empty n clean than talk utter crap like the other rulebooks around.
my rulebook is coming to bangalore to knock you on your head with its hardbound cover...be warned. you have gone too far this time, saing nashty nashty things about me rulebook. and unlike me, my rulebook is not Gandhi...
WAIT... y shud ur rulebook beat me up? if it must... its my rulebook ur rulebook shud be looking out for. And btw, my doesnt live in Bangalore!
what!!! egads!!! then why ask me the come to palace grounds for the strip show. and dont say yu are in bombay coz there's not enough room here for two of our kind.
well.....
seeing what M has written, i see two things..
1. he is confused
2. he is confused..
dear J:
well what? whasis mean
dear rider:
dear rider:
that's just one thing and repeating one thing twice does not make it two things.
that's just one thing and repeating one thing twice does not make it two things.
sorry still offended..
and u still havent offered me the 'job'// so..
it is not the same thing.. second line has a deeper meaning...
sigh.. golgafrinchams..
J, how you been?
so what does one have to do to meet the inimitable J?
My blogs dead no more..... ;-)
Prateek
http://prematurearticulation.com
Southpaw, fall at my feet, wait on me and worship me.
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