My brain, (if i had one) must be some weird, new age, reincarnation thing ... hmmm, yeah, that seems to be the most likely solution!
Ten thousand zillion things cross my mind at any given time
All connected and inter-related
Stemming from one crucial question... what’s in a life?
This lazy afternoon is going to be the exit I’ve desperately been looking for.
I’m back to my way on the highway.
Away from this dirt road I took with a stupid optimism rooted in the ancient discovery of a blasted European geek: The Earth is round.
posted by J @ 11:50 am
Comments: 1
Suddenly the world has become a very small place.
It’s not the vast, deep jungle anymore, not a sunny, well-kept safari or a lonely, lost island.
It’s like... when a den becomes a cage, what’s a lion supposed to do? Feel like a dog?
Ok, make that a lioness and a bitch.
posted by J @ 1:25 pm
Comments: 0
It’s a nostalgic season, the fall. Fall from grace. Hehehe.
Memories arrive slowly in quiet of the evening and the solitude of night.
Bittersweet recollections of moments from another era, and realisations of things that are and could’ve been.
Little souvenirs of past autumns frozen in time, wrapped in smiles, laughter, whispers, and heartaches, smelling like an old book and tasting like black coffee. Autumn is a real land of magic. It’s the lonely night’s wail, a Ram Gopal Varma movie, Zarkz’s loss, my gain; but as the cigarette ends, it’s just another butt in the ashtray.
Yawn.
posted by J @ 3:55 pm
Comments: 3
j said...
hmm--maybe we need to blog to help each other procrastinate as well...
BTW--you're too young to remember that whole Andy Kaufman wrestling stuff, methinks.
still like visiting here--
J.
J said...
Yeah, i dunno anything about that Andy Kauffman thingie... the only time i heard of it was when R.E.M. was singing Man on the moon.
Btw, how old do u think i am?
j said...
Hmm--this is a dangerous question--like the "perfect man" one you talked about before. I'm guessing you as mid-20s. That's why I don't get half the song references, too--I'm stupid that way.
Of course, you could have planted false clues throughout the blog to throw your public off the trail...
J.
My entries haven’t really been making much sense of late. Thoughts have been too many and too random to pick one out and write it down coherently. My subjectivity is becoming objective. I’m all confused. It’s like murky reflections in a muddy pond.
I’ve been picking on myself too much, hence the constant mix-up of contradiction and harmony, which ultimately results in an unfathomable and simultaneously irrelevant paradox that is the existence of me.
Phew!
Andy Kauffman in a wrestling match
Mister Fred Blassie in a breakfast mess
If you believe there's nothing up my sleeve, then nothing is cool
Where’s the man on the moon?
posted by J @ 4:11 pm
Comments: 0
I managed to allure yet another unsuspecting sucker-for-love!
He’s charmed and more caught up in his curiosity than is good for him.
It feels great to feed his innocent fascination, the puppy-like intrigue, and make him go circles around his own heart till he’s all dizzy and ready to fall.
The result => Immense Amusement
But what I don’t visualise is that when this does eventually fall, I’d impulsively reach out to hold him up, only to realize that somewhere along the way, he’s become the reason in the absurd, formless rhyme of my life.
*Sigh*
posted by J @ 4:07 pm
Comments: 0
...that you never learn from and always end up making them again. Something like a bad haircut. I’m talking about people in general, not me... you keep forgetting, I’m not human... I’m super human.
After a while, if not right away, you invariably begin missing your former mane. You feel stripped and suddenly vulnerable, and begin longing for the day when your hair would again be their previous length and you’d regain your lost strength.
If you’re an eternal optimist like me, your long hair is the biggest affirmation of spirit you have.
And, NO, I haven’t cut my hair!
posted by J @ 4:07 pm
Comments: 0
What if I wake up one fine morning and realise that I have a writer’s block?
I’m dead, ok I will be dead if I said that. If I told my boss, “Oh I can’t think of a tagline that you wouldn’t call a pathetic cliché. Or I just don’t have any ideas for a brand-building promotion. Or I can’t write anymore of my much-appreciated flowery poetry for a new jewellery brochure.
What do I do? Live in mortal fear and wait in elevated angst for that dreaded moment to arrive? No, I ain’t an eternal optimist but I definitely believe in myself. So I wonder... can this ever happen to ME? I guess I don’t even want to hear an answer to my question. Because there'’ I don’t want to hear a “NO”.
But looking at the brighter side of life... there are a lot of stuff I can do... like... chuck my boss if he’s getting tired with my work or maybe change my job and work with newer clients and lines of business. Now, you know who has a problem in life! And how long do you think I’m gonna stick on doing the same writing. I’ll take up something new. How about tantric healing or maybe ----------? (Hehehe) That would be a 360 degrees turn from Risk Consulting and Copywriting.
Oh boy, I just cant wait for this “thing” to happen!!!
posted by J @ 1:22 pm
Comments: 1
I know there’s nothing on the other side of the keyhole
It seems like an endless search
And Google isn’t powered to control
Where will all this lead me?
Am I trying hard enough?
When will my search end?
Where do I search?
What am I looking for?
Search?
Life?
What or who am I?
?
Can I be called clueless?
posted by J @ 4:56 pm
Comments: 0
I dunno if this thing has an official name. I haven’t come across another living person who suffers from this. I dunno if I’m the only one. Well, if I am... WOW! I love it.
Looks like I gotcha ask everyone I know if they’ve ever heard of this thing in order to declare myself truly unique. So lemme explain...
I hate washing my hair. Do I hear you people say, “stay away from me”? Relax, this is one of those very few things that I hate doing, but still do. (The other being, laugh at my boss’ jokes) And what I hate more than the hot oil therapy and choosing the ‘right’ shampoo is that sick feeling of wet hair sticking on to my neck. I not only hate it, I detest, abhor and despise it.
When I was a kid, that’s not too many years ago... mommy would chase me every Saturday morning and lock me under the shower and I used to see imaginary water dragons with dangling tongues, waiting to taste me. And how I used to scream... my, my... and the woman who lived on top, who poisoned her husband who killed her mom would play “The Doors” loud enough to subdue my howls.
I’ve tried all possible ways to save myself... tried sticking gum in my hair so that I’d have to cut it off as short as possible. My mom just hates the way I look with really short hair, dad doesn’t care, sis always complains about whatever I do, and friends have mixed opinions.
I’m sunk into another skipped-it-this-Saturday misery.
posted by J @ 1:32 pm
Comments: 2
A question started it all, one of the lazy questions that people often ask when they don’t/can’t start a real conversation…
What’s your perfect man?
That’s a dangerous question, because it gets you thinking beyond just the type of guys you like, into ideals, so maybe that ideal will stick.
So now, even when you get a man, who’s great, funny and intelligent, hot, likes you and your stupid stories… that certain something gets you hooked and you think NO, it’s not enough. That’s because you’ll be comparing him to the impossible template.
I don’t answer that question anymore.
posted by J @ 10:48 am
Comments: 2
j said...
You know, I think this question is kind of interesting if one is single--who is your ideal partner--but if you're in a relationship, it's a hand grenade that someone pulled the pin out of about 3 seconds ago--throw that sucker as far away as possible...
J.
J said...
LOL, true... but i'm still single.
When it rains and the skies are blue
When hearts are broken and lips are sealed
When I’m going high on depression
When I’m alone in a crowd
When I feel so good to feel so sad
When I fall from cloud#9
When I’m happy!
posted by J @ 10:45 am
Comments: 0
There are people on my left and people on my right, people in front of me and behind my back. An infinity of them. Everywhere you go.
Thankfully I’m not conquered.
I numbly glance at them and suddenly I hate them, I look back at the imaginary row of trees in my mind and approach the lonely woods. I desperately run toward them. Slow at first, and gradually so fast I cannot feel my feet.
I’ve mastered the art of Escapology.
posted by J @ 4:30 pm
Comments: 0
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