Warped Mind: December 2004

Friday, December 31, 2004

Introspection of the year…

Usually the end of months are just small bits.
But for some reason a huge feeling decends on most of the populace. I’m sure the same thing would happen if we moved the end of the calendar year to the Spring Equinox. Ahh.. from a girl, to a boy.
Colours fade through my mind.
Black, brown, purple, blue, blood red.... so much blood red.. now it’s fading away to a bruise.. as if it were the aftermath of a trauma. Hehehe :-D

Now is the time for healing. Regrowth, more suited to the New Year.

3 Comments:

j said...: I couldn't agree more--happy new year, J.--I guess you'll be in it sooner than I am.

The other J.; 3:41 pm
Anonymous said...: Hey... Can't see much of Ur blogs except Ur recent ones... that red thing down below is blocking it.. can U fix that???

Oh yeah... Happy New Year!!

Philosophically, I hate ppl saying that, what are they trying to imply??? that we have a sad year as the new becomes old????

http://thisucks.rediffblogs.com; 9:54 am
J said...: No, the point is... what's so gr8 about a new year. It's just another year.
For me its just another reason to party. Nothing more.
I mean everything is the same. The earth's not gonna stop rotating. Women aint gonna stop talking. Men aint gonna stop drooling.
So wats the big fuss all about???; 3:22 pm

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Words are powerful. Words can trap.

So many truths obscured behind uncertainty.

Unfortunate circumstances lead to forgetfulness.

Who wants to remember what they’ve done wrong over again?

There’s no end until sleep, but that’s not even housed in sureties now.
Dreams can come so swift and furiously down, wrenching me from sleep into a world that’s is more painful than the waking, outer world.

Destruction vents, but not always.

Blood to be spilled only in hate, never in love.

Perhaps there’s nothing left for me in feminism, humanism, or even sadism.

After these years spent in pain... I actually enjoy it now!

2 Comments:

Anonymous said...: Can women also be this way???? Hmmm.. I wonder..

Oh yeah.. Happy New Year!!!

http://thisucks.rediffblogs.com; 1:00 am
J said...: u havin' doubts now? :-p; 1:50 pm

Reflection upon reflection.

Where does the illusion end and the real thing begin?

I can’t tell the difference today... hiding in shadows, darkness, and dreams.

Even my dreams, those peaceful elusive havens, can no longer serve me. Stripped away. I have my mind, as sick as it is... that’s it. Perspectives are so fucked right now that even breaks wouldn’t really help. Perhaps running could! :-p

Just one day of peace. So much. Too much. Just one day will change.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

0 Comments:

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Something to blog about…

I was just wondering what to write about.

Do I write about my unorganised thoughts, my unstable heart (that’s a virtual thing, ‘cause I really don’t have a heart), my unexplored senses, obscure secrets, deepest emotions or about my trivial obsessions?

I notice that my attitude gets better the further I walk. Yeah, my best ideas come along when I’m walking. I almost wish I could just sit somewhere in the middle and write. No, that wouldn’t really work, will it? I guess the train of thoughts would get disrupted then. Anyway, the further I go, the more I like it. It’s not that I desperately need to loose weight because I’m sitting at a desk all day. I just do it because I feel like. I somehow manage going on a long walk 3 times a week. I find it refreshing, soul stirring, I connect with me.

Wish I could do it everyday... wish I could run away from home in the middle of the night and come back when I want to without bothering what people have to say. I will someday. But it’s kinda strange that people I know seem to be more certain about the things I’m capable of doing more than I am. I mean, how can they be? I might just be faking it for all that you know.

5 Comments:

j said...: True--you might just be somebody different than we see here--that's probably true at least a bit of all of us who do this. Still, I can't see you being bothered that much about what people have to say. After all, there are other people...

J.; 12:58 pm
Anonymous said...: now hold on a sec... who the heck is J? and who the heck is the one who posted the comment.. are they both the same persons?

If so, U're as lonely as every other monkey who hits the keyboard like I do..

And its good!!!! High-Five!!!!; 12:23 am
Anonymous said...: uhhhhh... that was http://thisucks.rediffblogs.com... Btw, can U explain Y U can't get haloscan to work on Ur blog? There is a board/forum there though, so Y not a haloscan.. 'cos comments on blogger.com really suck!!!; 12:25 am
Corny name said...: walk walk walk..
I know what ure saying...
while walking... the body's on autopilot.. and the brain just seems in a better .. 'position' for clear thinking..; 2:45 am
J said...: ~ The other J ~
I’m not very different from what you see here. My objective behind blogging is not to create a pseudo identity for people I dunno but to find a place to pour out my thoughts.

~ Anonymous ~
Well, I am J (Jayashri) n the first comment u see there is by “another J” who lives in the other side of the world.
And who cares if blogger comments suck or haloscan rocks?
I’m a loner but I don’t quite enjoy being lonely. U know the difference don’t ya?

~ El Diabl020 ~
That's a cool theory... keep walking!; 10:06 am

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Gripes from a grumpy girl…

1. It’s Tuesday, the day after Monday and I didn’t suffer from working blues yesterday.

2. Insomnia makes people cranky, but I just discovered it makes me perky.

3. Life is such a game. Not like the one where you spin a spinner to find out how much salary you are going to make but a game in that everything is based on one’s choices.

4. I can choose if I wanna go to work or to stay at home in bed. And I choose the latter always. Maybe its because I love doing it so much, or maybe its cause I have nothing better to do and I don’t wanna get bored.

5. ‘I dunno’ is one of my favourite phrases and but it doesn’t come naturally to me, yeah I’m a hypocrite

6. It’s strange, but it’s true… I’m just as old as I want to be.

7. I’m in perfect bipolar harmony with my sister.

8. I AM kinda bored now :-)

2 Comments:

Anonymous said...: U wudn't believe, but hypocrite is my fav word too.. 'cos I believe it kinda describes me.. the fact is I accept it.. and I believe too, that thats the key.. to change it, that is..

oh yeah, I kinda speak in long sentences and sometimes skip the sentences as my thoughts travel fast.. and that hardly makes sense..

* am doing the shoulder shrugging action.. both of them up and the mouth giving U an inverted half moon *; 12:02 am
J said...: Man-with-no-name, {same pinch}; 5:32 pm

Thursday, December 23, 2004

I think I’m gonna elope.

Yeah, in fact I’m almost ready. It’s just that the guy is missing.
The fact is that I don’t want anyone to feel that they need to plan the events of my wedding day before I have a say in whatever happens. Not that I’m always open to suggestions or anything. I would love a very private ceremony and an amazing reception with people I like and not with people I just have to invite. It’s not about being deviant, it is about me doing what I want to do for myself.

3 Comments:

j said...: I found you the guy, dammit!
Now just get on that plane and go convince him.

J.; 1:01 pm
J said...: J ~ u did??? Is it Robbie or someone else?
Keith ~ WOW!; 10:22 am
Anonymous said...: Yo! Gimme a Hi-Five... for now.. and later if that works out, or if U convinced Ur folks that the customs come to nothing, lemme know how U did it, and I'll follow suit...

http://thisucks.rediffblogs.com; 12:05 am

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

My best Christmas gift…

(A mail from X, sometime in September)

J, send me a nice pic of yours will ya?
The one that I have ain’t very clear.
I don’t want Santa to mess up with my Christmas gift.

:-)

1 Comments:

j said...: me too! me too! (imagine annoying child jumping up and down and hitting you with something christmassy)

or just post something and tell us in secret code where to go find it.

J2.

(I may post a christmas song you should like but probably already have...); 9:55 pm

Monday, December 20, 2004

I love life!

The world distracts us from reality
The world’s an illusion
Illusion is for real
Reality bites
Bites have got something to do with computers
Computers are virtually everywhere
Everywhere is smaller than anywhere is
Anywhere is nowhere
Nowhere is where I live
I’m a dead duck

0 Comments:

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Interesting stuff I came across today…

<1>

KRS-ONE is one of Rap’s most prolific and mind inspiring teachers to emerge from the streets of the ghettos of…anywhere, with “Sound of Da Police” sitting at the top of his enlightenment list.

With a single verse he breaks down the idea of what it means to be a “watchdog” under government commission.

“overseer”
“overseer”
“oviseer”
“oviceer”
“ovicer”
“oficer”
“officer”

“Need a little clarity? Check the similarity.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

<2>

Modern people respond to a modern culture created by modern art.
A friend tells me, “Who wants to read about a moving romance when you could just watch porn?”

Yeah right, it’s fast, easy and requires no thought (except maybe the push of a button) what-so-ever.

0 Comments:

What is it you desire?

What holds value for you?
Is it an idea, a cause or something more material?
What makes it so important?
Is it because it helps you in some way?
(your family, a cell phone or a car)
Is it because of its rarity?
(some artwork, a soul mate or a nice car)
Is it because you can’t imagine living sanely and peacefully without it?
(entertainment, a soulmate (again!), privacy)
Is it because it gives you something in return?
(money, a soulmate, religion)

More importantly, what will you do, when you find it?
And most importantly... when will you find it?

The search is ON!

0 Comments:

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Here's a toast to the crazy ones.

The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round heads in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. The break-the-rules types. The-I-hate-status-quo kinds.
Yeah, I guess that’s about it...

You have company!

While some may see us as the crazy ones... how can the-just-another-brick-in-the-wall recognise the genius?

Remember, people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.

0 Comments:

Read this somewhere…

It’s so cool. Yeah J (I’m not talking to myself, I mean “the other J”) it was your Christmas gift I was referring to and NOT the horse porn stuff, but right now, even that sounds cooooool.

Ok, getting back to what I started with, here goes...

It all began with a world. Then there was God. No. Wait. I think (S)He came first. Forget it. Then God made stuff. Included in this stuff was a guy named Satan (or was it Michael). Anyway, some of this stuff was alive and the rest was just kinda sitting there but Michael had too much salt put in his corn and started to ruin everything for everybody. And I mean EVERYBODY. People killed people. Laws were made. More people killed more people. God killed a bunch of ‘em. And now we have Home Depot.

2 Comments:

j said...: You are sooooo cool. As for the horse porn--I don't think santa will bring that. Now as for reindeer...

I haaaate Home Depot. Not as much as Costco--you saw my blog--but lots.

For Christmas--get msn. It would be fun to chat.

The other J.; 1:43 pm
J said...: Thanx J, u r so cooooooooooooooooooool too. But i'm cooler :-p; 2:56 pm

i'm happy

Santa lives here :-)

Example

I’m back with a bang from Bang(alore)... yeah I’m bad at puns. But one cant be gr888 at everything.

(Too bad, i dunno html... the page's all screwed up!)

0 Comments:

Friday, December 03, 2004

If life was a TV channel…

It happens. Someone makes you unhappy. And you wonder what you can do about it. You cant beat them up… its so 2000 BC. You cant wish them bad… that’s so voodoo. You cant even swear at them with choicest epithets… that’s so Aussie. Revenge is sweet but… its just doesn’t go down too well.
Well… this NEVER happens to me. Or should I say, it always happens with me… you know, the other way ;)
So if life is bad sitcom, turn off the channel.

1 Comments:

Anonymous said...: NEVER? I doubt that.; 1:41 pm

Thursday, December 02, 2004

It’s not a dream and I’m not a dreamer.

All your dreams are made
When you're chained to the mirror and the razor blade
Today's the day that all the world will see
Another sunny afternoon
Walking to the sound of my favorite tune
Tomorrow never knows what it doesn't know too soon

It’s not a dream and I’m not a dreamer.

It’s midnight and I’m not in the middle of anything. I see myself sitting on the floor, in one corner of a room with four red walls. Blood red walls they were, dark in every sense of the word and gloomy too. Plain black floor tiles. Here I was, sitting without an expression on my face, as blank as the room.

Where’s everything gone? There's no heaven, it’s only the sky above. There’s no hell below, nothing to kill or die for. I am living for today, or at least that’s what it seems. I have nothing to prove if I’m in the past or future or even reality.

The bitter sweet truth is that, I don’t quite know what’s happening, either all that’s happening is for real or I’m bad at lying.

Nothing’s questionable when I say that life’s a bittersweet symphony. Running into the future while trying to make ends meet. Being a slave for the money you die earning. Taking you down the only road you've ever known and never to the places where you wanted to go. Getting you down on your knees when you’d never pray. Putting you to sleep with a pleasant melody when you recognize the pain in you. Un-cleansing your mind and setting you free now.

I am here in my mold
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no

0 Comments:

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

I’m a bundle of paranoia. Analyse me.

Stark naked confessionals ain’t scary! I dunno why people find it frightening if I lay myself bare to the world, exposing my deepest secrets, not that I have many and anyway people wouldn’t possibly cant ever find out. But they do find secrets scary. Some do get excited, but they are wary all the same.
Why? I dunno.
Do they get haunted when alone, by unfriendly, menacing ghosts?
But the good news is that I’ve found a way out. I wont make things painful and frightening. There’ll be no more fear, no more demons to terrify them, no more nightmares, no more waking up in the middle of the night all panting and afraid.
I am NOT telling people that they are secrets. That way, they remain secrets as well!

0 Comments: