Warped Mind: October 2004

Friday, October 29, 2004

I don't believe people...

...when they tell me I’m beautiful. You say I'm biased? No, who’s bribing me? But to think of it, that’s what everybody does. I haven't met anyone who on getting such a compliment, doesn’t act as if she (no “he” out here) didn't know what they're talking about. There's a glint in the eyes and a smug smile in the face and a graceful shrugging off of a compliment. Looks might take your breath away, but this cheap false modesty act definitely crumbles the beauty before your eyes doesn’t it? Being a liar makes you ugly.

2 Comments:

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Thursday, October 28, 2004

Does a snowflake have a twin?

We're all very much alike. Believe me, all fingers look the same to me. Heard that cliché that says "normal is boring"? That’s so true. We aren’t snowflakes. Most of us are very similar, ‘normal’, and even boring. Wish we would all get over it, collectively. Maybe I'm mistaken, but I hardly ever hear "normal is boring" from someone who's not either or both. I wish I'd never hear it again, especially coming from one of these would-be intellectual gurus who can't even conjure up a more original sentence to try and stand out from the rest. They do stand out all right, because they're pretentious snobs, besides boring, unoriginal and ordinary.

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Wednesday, October 27, 2004

2.30 PM; August 13, 2000

I decided to go for therapy on the suggestion of my mother, my father, my best friend and pretty much every person I ever met. I figure as an experiment it could be interesting and with a strict intention to amuse myself, which is the only reason I ever do anything anyway… I went! I guess it really couldn’t do me any harm. I managed to cry in public for the first and last time in my life. The goddamn psychologist made a pass at me to make me feel better. And then, I was worried, because after we were done with my session, I felt like I had to comfort him. My inner child and my outer adult are apparently in conflict.

1 Comments:

j said...: sounds like a real winner of a therapist...

Isn't blog writing better therapy sometimes anyway?

J.; 10:35 am

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Tongue Vs Brain

Amazing how much faster her tongue is, when compared to her brain. She lashes words out. Waits for a good whole minute. Her eyes go round. Packed with the “suitable” expression. And then realisation strikes. She realises what she’s said and to whom. Seems to be the right time to apologise, and she knows it too, but… she opens her mouth to say "sorry," but say "*&$#" instead. When is her brain gonna catch up to her tongue and kill stupidity?

1 Comments:

Nicole Braganza said...: From the mouth of a staunch feminist -

HOW DARE YOU ASSUME THE TONGUE IS A "SHE" !!! (in this context, that is)

Now if we are talking about the other uses of the tongue... ;)

hahaha; 5:33 pm

Do I love the Internet?

I spend hours online. Create new virtual existences for myself. Love filling up surveys, ticking all the boxes I'd like to be true. Imagine physically remodelling myself. I selected what I want to look like – 5’8", dusky, prefect pair of legs, magnetic smile and everything a guy dreams of. I shop till I drop, my shopping falling off the cart as I take a sharp turn round a non-existent corner. Am I for real?

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Monday, October 25, 2004

Thank God

There are 24 hours in a day. Though I wouldn’t mind a few hours more when the day is good and I’d pray again that the day end soon when the day’s killing me. But 24 hours is enough to find one moment of equilibrium with ‘someone’. Its crazy, but its true… my soaring adrenaline matches somebody’s sinking lethargy. And my pre-menstrual syndromes confront his perkiest best.

0 Comments:

Last night...

I dreamt that a 7-foot-tall hunk was trying to sell me a 23-carat diamond ring. And I’m not even sure if diamonds come in ‘Carats’ or ‘Karats’. It was beautiful. Simple, marquise and clear, I couldn’t find one flaw. If you looked at it, but only from one particular angle – you would realise that one corner of the stone was completely missing. But complete from all other angles. Weird, but was it a diamond? I haven’t seen anything else sparkle as brilliantly, other that a star. Tried looking through it, I could see the fine lines on the palm holding it. The stone had this strange magnetic energy, my eyes were glued to it. I’m blinded. Can’t see anything. I’m blind.

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Great Escape

She fished out the key from her pocket. Turned it around 360 degrees in the keyhole. Click! Stepped inside and closed the door behind her. She gave a fleeting look around the room… checked her watch, checked under the pillows and behind the curtains. It wasn’t there. She figured that she had to get away before anyone noticed it missing. She straightened her shirt, calmed her ruffled tresses, took out her compact and checked her lipstick. Her lips were swollen and her eyes red from crying. But it didn’t matter. It was the last time she would be seen.

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Friday, October 15, 2004

I want to do this again

Sniff the freshness in the air
Feel the sun rays on your eyes
Play with the clouds in the sky
Catch the raindrops on your tongue
Touch the rainbow with your fingers
Collect the stars from the sky
Stare at the moon in the night
Life is beautiful

1 Comments:

j said...: Sounds happier... have a good weekend...

j.; 6:57 am

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Don't...

Don’t think,
Nothing’s gonna work.

Don’t work,
What are you about to achieve?

Don’t regret,
It only hurts.

Don’t die,
You can’t run away from life!

0 Comments:

u 'n' i

Sit next to me... tell me what you’re thinking
Read my lips... hear the words I'm telling
Hold my hand... show me where we're going
Stare into my eyes... tell me what you see
Take your time... tell me how you're feeling
What you feel, is what I feel
Look at me and you’d know if I am lying
And if I am, I'll always be alone
I’m a loner but I hate being lonely
I know you’d believe me, ‘cause you believe you

0 Comments:

This moment of perfect imperfection

Life’s bigger
It’s suddenly got larger than me

My hair’s falling
My nail’s breaking
My voice is cracking
My eyes have lost that sparkle
My face has lost its radiance
My soul has lost its spirit
My smile’s waning
My social life’s - - -
My tears are my last hope

I see my falling fantasies
I see…
I’m probably to be grateful that I can still see

I live in these four walls
How did I lose ME?

0 Comments:

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

I sometimes wonder...

How does it feel to die?
Should be easy to answer... one moment you're breathing and the other you're not.
Only the "how" of getting there is a mystery.
Usually the way we go is not of our own choosing.
But hey aint we living in a free society?

Hmmm... i'm a case of borderline depression. But where is this border???

2 Comments:

j said...: Hi again--

I suspect you're at least one of the visitors from India that drops into my blog from time to time--I'm still checking yours regularly--so you did the test, too?

I wonder how I would've scored on a good day. (Not sure the discussion of dying is all that encouraging while on the topic though--hope all is okay)

j.; 9:26 am
J said...: Oh yes i did take that test... i cheated n got a score of 20. A month back my score wud have been ZERO! But here i am now, with a digit before zero.

I hope things get ok.(and this line only comes along everything's not ok)

J

PS: tnx 4 reading :); 11:45 am

Friday, October 08, 2004

Dunno !?!

Dunno what kinda mood I am in these days. Everything around me is falling apart, but I ain’t cracking. Cant quite figure out what am I made of, or, am I just plain cold-blooded? And, I’m left with these words lingering...

I haven't ever really found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologize that once again I'm not in love
But it's not as if I mind
that your heart ain't exactly breaking
It's just a thought, only a thought
But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

There’s more, but... forget it!

0 Comments:

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Rudely awakened!

I’m cleaning my closet...
Overhauling my obsessions
Tossing my inner most thoughts
Sensing my sentiments
Effecting my emotions
Conceiving my conscious
Influencing my instincts
Perfecting my passions
Flinging my feelings
Excavating my experiences

Creating a hole in my soul.

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Monday, October 04, 2004

It’s neither dawn nor twilight

I wake up in the middle of the night
And lay still while my soul’s stirring in fright
I see no darkness or rays of light
What I see is a monster’s delight
A mortal’s plight
There’s absolutely nothing in sight
Though I’m seldom right
But something does excite
Cause history in its own right
Is all set for a re-write
Which will be worthy of a recite
Be it about the glory of a knight
Or an immortal human right
A change over night
Or a mystic guiding light

There IS something about tonight

0 Comments:

Friday, October 01, 2004

Truth is not just black, white or gray; it could be purple.

They are dishonest.
They are unspiritual.
They have a hidden agenda.
They are narrow-minded and intolerant.
They don't care about the future of the world.
They are trying to eliminate the competition.
They are only in it for the money.
They have an evil leader.
They are immoral.
They are ambitious and greedy.
They are not doing the Will of God.
They lie.
They are in denial.
They have strange, illogical beliefs.
They are acting crazy.
Their lives don't make any sense.
And, they are hypocritical.

You could be one
You may not be one (Or maybe you are lying!)

Everybody says, I hate hypocrites.

Well, here’s bad news for non-hypocrites
You suffer from lack of integrity and have a distorted perception of reality
Accept it!!!

What makes a hypocrite, a hypocrite?
If your actions contradict your beliefs, you are condemned.

Don’t quite get it? Want proof? Here’s a mathematical equation…
Hypocrisy = Action – Belief

So, what do people want?
Everyone wants his or her hypocrisy level to be equal to zero.

And, what do they do?
To make this happen, people change their beliefs to match their actions.

Let’s have a look at some hypocrite’s Hypocrisy Matrix.
Hypocrites come in 4 sample packs.
External Honest, Dishonest External, Internal Honest and Dishonest External

What am I?
An Honest Hypocrite

I am not 100% certain in what I believe, so my actions are not likely to be consistent with my beliefs 100% of the time. I have these inherent human desires that often cause me to act on the basis of my instincts, rather than on what I believe is the right action. Maybe my belief standards of right and wrong are higher than what is humanly possible, so my actions may not be consistent with my beliefs. I don’t know what is absolute truth, reality or morality… in fact no one does. So we are all hypocrites!

1 Comments:

June-An said...: perfecto! uv set the finger right on the wound!; 1:37 pm

One more...

Oh boy, i'm still bored!

I took the Blogging Personality Quiz at About Web logs and I am...

The Pundit
I like to blog about a specific topic of interest that I am passionate about - be it business, politics, technology, law, education, entertainment, or literature. I blog regularly and I welcome relevant discussions about my topic. I have a constant thirst for knowledge.

0 Comments:

Form 0

Got bored again, so took another test and this is what i am...

pho
You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal.

"And The Phoenix's cycle had reached
zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He
emerged from his own ashes, to be forever
immortal."

Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl
(Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum
(Egyptian).
The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life,
the number 0, and the element of fire.
His sign is the eclipsed sun.

As a member of Form 0, you are a determined
individual. You tend to keep your sense of
optomism, even through tough times and have a
positive outlook on most situations. You have
a way of looking at going through life as a
journey that you can constantly learn from.
Phoenixes are the best friends to have because
they cheer people up easily.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

0 Comments: