Tuesday, May 31, 2005

It’s the late nights that fascinate me. Rain on the window panes, watching the streetlights in a vague haze of light. The only sound I hear are the raindrops on the stoned path and on the window pane.

It’s the late afternoons that draw me. Where the sun isn’t that hot, isn’t that bright. There the shadows aren’t that dark and aren’t that long. The wind tousles the trees playfully now.

It’s the early mornings that enchant me. Slight movements, the air still untouched from the night before, not knowing whether the blue that surrounds is light or dark. I breathe slow and deep.

15 Comments:

Blogger Woodooz said...

It’s the twilight hours that captivate me. Where shadows kiss goodbye to their morning counterpart. The sun takes a dip into the oceanic expanse. Crescent peeps in bringing out the romantic in me. I feel peaceful. I feel serene.

Nice one. Looks like you are enthralled by most part of the day. I wish I could stop everything and enjoy the world around me, the way you do !!!

5:31 pm  
Blogger @$#!$# said...

nice one!! though i personally like an evening on a beach...the waves crashing all around you, the cool sea breeze lifting your spirits high!

oh i miss goa...

5:54 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I dont like early mornings, they remind me of my alarm ringing.

I dont like late afternoons, they remind me of my stupid concalls.

I dont like late nights either, they remind me that I live alone.

Sad life of mine.

6:09 pm  
Blogger Woodooz said...

Anon,

Think of snooze in your alarm clock, the lousy companion that u might end up with in nights and am sure u wud enjoy life better.

As for con calls, sorry ... I vouch for that too... Nothing can be done !

6:15 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beautiful....

7:02 pm  
Blogger J said...

Somu ,
I think dawn scores over dusk. Me a complete non-romantic so… I wouldn’t really know :(

And about that comment on my anon friend…

It’s not about the snooze or no-snooze, the point is you just have to-have to wake up!!!
It’s not about the lousy companion either, its that he’s lonely… a companion could be anyone/thing… a woman, dog, mom, tv or even my imaginary friend… but not everyone can handle life the way I do! :-p

@$#!$# an evening on a goan beach with an Absolut in my hand and teen spirit playing in the background and … ahem … well, you-know-what… just ROX!!!

7:02 pm  
Blogger J said...

Anon & Karenlea, thanks for dropping by :)

7:04 pm  
Blogger Woodooz said...

Aww could be true J. I am a terrible sloth and I just can’t get myself out of bed to enjoy the sun rise. And most of the time I spend in trying to get out of my grogginess and in freshening up. Evenings amaze me to the core. A walk along the shore during the twilight hour would be pleasing even for a not-so-romantic. The fiery ball disappearing into the deep sea along the horizon would be quite a sight. And since fools seldom differ, we seem to be opining differently in this case.

As for my response to your friend, that was just a philosophical thought. Not so practical all the time.

9:37 pm  
Blogger Nicole Braganza said...

You seem so grateful for the world around you. I think we all tend to forget how important these simple gifts are in our lives. Though, I'm rather partial to dusk I'd have to say. No wonder I can hardly keep my eyes open in the morning, let alone experience the untouched air from the night before!!

1:11 am  
Blogger Rob said...

Its good to see that you take the time to enjoy life. At one time when I lived in California, I would take that time to enjoy every sunset. But now the hussle and bussle of life has left me longing for that time, I need to find it again.

Very nice :)

2:45 am  
Blogger @$#!$# said...

viva la goa!!!

then lets move there asap. What say j?

9:59 am  
Blogger J said...

Somu, Nicole & Rob,

I kinda like doing all that, you know…

At the rare times I get up way too early… I love taking a lil walk, all by myself, its amazing to see the sun and the moon together in the sky.

And at times when I don’t have much to do… looking at the sky, counting stars and dreaming takes up my time.

Sigh! Am I a dreamer? :)))

@$#!$#, I’m game. Just temme when ;)

10:23 am  
Blogger Elixir said...

good...highly sensitive bout things round u.
come n tag my board naa jai!!!*pouting*

3:01 pm  
Blogger J said...

cake khaane ke liye hum kahin bhi ja sakte hain :-p

5:35 pm  
Blogger . : A : . said...

This is wonderful. I loved every line of it and how you use colours to seperate the thoughts. Well done!

8:27 pm  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Monday, May 30, 2005

He definitely knows me too well.
It’s wonderful but actually quite frightening to think that he knows exactly what to do to subtly manipulate me into being cheerful again. I am doing quite ok at the moment, but I’m bored as such and do get grumpy little things. Instead of smothering me in sympathy (which would be nice admittedly, at least in the short-term) or blatantly ignoring me, he knew exactly what to do – dream up a fantastic new project, a new obsession, one that I can wallow in and occupy my brain with for the foreseeable future.

But why is he going away?

11 Comments:

Blogger @$#!$# said...

guess that's what he doesn't want u to think about, by giving so something that diverts your mind off it!!

apparently he has failed.

2:38 pm  
Blogger Woodooz said...

Because he must...
Because he has other plans... Because its not in his hands...
Because its destiny !!!

3:16 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's why you go away and away

3:30 pm  
Blogger Woodooz said...

JJ... that's a long name,,, I can definitely try ambigraming your first name :o)

3:32 pm  
Blogger manuscrypts said...

maybe he has a new project, something he wants to put his mind on..

4:50 pm  
Blogger J said...

@$#!$# ~ i wud be surprised if he turned out to be THAT considerate ;)

Somu ~ i dont like destiny's child :-p
First name, middle name or last name or wotever... try it!

Deja vu ~ Where did i go? i'm rite here!

Manuscrypts ~ :-?

5:24 pm  
Blogger GoGo said...

Is the NEW PROJECT called "miss me while im gone"?

8:03 pm  
Blogger @$#!$# said...

believe me....if he knows u too well, then only he'd be so considerate.

and in the back of his mind he must be knowing that even the assignment he gave u is not goin to take your mind off him.

u r lucky to know him!! Very lucky...

8:46 pm  
Blogger J said...

Well @$#!$#, the problem here is that... this "HE" doesn't really exist ;)

2:51 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

u know wat, he aint going newhr.. he will alwys dream up something, he will alwys give u somethin to occupy the brain.. even if he doesnt exist.

5:51 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ya rainy day is so enjoable but ask the mumbai people how there r suffering. But any it is must for the ashik and lov. i agree with u.

2:16 pm  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Swish Swoosh

The wind blows right through my rattling bones.
I’m comfortably numb.

Sitting indoors, a mere gust shouldn’t really be affecting me.

But nothing will keep me warm today.
Not the bear hugs, not the bubble bath and not even the huge warm blue eyes.
Blue is a cold colour, born in the depths of the sea.

I can’t stop shivering and this is just the beginning.

Tell me about the green oceans in far away lands and the songs of the dolphins under the boat.
Tell me about the whispering trees tucked away between towering mountains and the rumours they spread.
Tell me about the white sand your cheek rests on and the subtle unappreciated light of the placid moon.

Tell me lies, if you must, just tell me something.

9 Comments:

Blogger Unknown said...

blue is the coldest color ever...

5:58 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wonder how you keep doing this? Changing moods frequently.

9:56 am  
Blogger Elixir said...

ill tell u about the harps that makes you think of long ago lives,
ill tell you of the wind that carries whispered secrets of pigtailed gurls,
ill tel you about shells strung together and worn as love beads... ill make up stories...if i must, just to tell u sumthing :)

10:27 am  
Blogger @$#!$# said...

tell you what..its a beautiful weekend coming up ahead.

so why not change to pink..and move out for a party!!!

(p.s. maybe you can invite me to it!!)

3:50 pm  
Blogger Woodooz said...

Blue is so cold ? I remember u commenting somewhere that it is your fave color ?

A touching word and a loving friend can always keep u warm...

6:09 pm  
Blogger arvindiyer said...

Hmmmmm...errrr....ok? TOday is sunday...

11:55 am  
Blogger Wabbster said...

Nice post. :-)

6:06 pm  
Blogger . : A : . said...

Lovely,
"Blue is a cold colour, born in the depths of the sea."

Nice closing,
"Tell me lies, if you must, just tell me something."

7:21 pm  
Blogger Rob said...

Think RED!!!

8:12 pm  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Make way for the Emotional Vampire!

I bet everyone knows one… a dangerous but very attractive person, in a not-so-obvious way. That’s when you can’t work out why you like someone. This ‘someone’ gets hypnotic (well, almost) and addictive. They are very demanding people in the most un-apparent way. You know they aren’t good for you. You know the risks. But you go back, time after time, seduced more by what they represent than by what they are.
The result? They drain you emotionally; they suck the life out of you, leaving you empty. But you still go back for more.

Intriguing? Yes. That’s me for you ;)

13 Comments:

Blogger Woodooz said...

Why do we go back, dsepite the snares that lay ahead of us ? I think when we are emotinally drained and there is not more emotion to squeeze out of us... thats when we decide to move on... A wise decision that we take after putting up with all the hardships...

Btw, who is this emotional vampire(s) ???

3:08 pm  
Blogger J said...

Is it this post of mine that u r referring to??? :-O
cuz i see no 'going back', no emotional drain or hardships... at least not for me.
I'm NOT buffy, the vampire slayer, i AM the vampire :-p

3:35 pm  
Blogger Vignesh said...

Hmmm... interesting... have you heard Vampires of New York ?

4:31 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

first sharks, now vampires?

4:48 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Come see the vampires of New York
Come lose your mind in Central Park
But don't leave your soul behind
Come take in 8th street after dark
Such peculiar people you'll remark
You might even see a murder

And all the whores on Blecker Street
They wear the blissful grin
Caused by the drugs they take
To relieve them of their sins

And "oh lord I think she's dying" I head somebody say
I think she's dying
And "oh lord I think she's dying"

Or maybe she's already dead and maybe she's gone to Mars
Maybe we could write her epitaph in the stars
It'd say "If you go away from here..If you go a million miles..."
Come downtown to see them go
Into the den of the vampires of New York
But please watch your step as you're getting off, kids

4:51 pm  
Blogger Nicole Braganza said...

Ah...you say "Emotional Vampire". But I'm only thinking a certain "hypnotic" contestant voted out on American Idol...leaving me empty ;)

2:09 am  
Blogger @$#!$# said...

i'd prefer to be a host for an emotional vampire...and have most of my emotions sucked out of me..

at least i might have a better life!!!

2:18 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yes i did..

7:02 pm  
Blogger . : A : . said...

I guess we all get seduced by the 'dark side'.

;-)

7:41 pm  
Blogger anantha said...

Hmmm.. Intriguing.. Most certainly intriguing...

Yo, J.. wassup :)

1:23 am  
Blogger PoliShifter said...

You admit you are an emotional vampire? that is the first step toward reform...

1:48 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My Emotional Vampire was hardly attractive, she was actually my mom's friend for 10 yrs prior. She had a house, I moved out, she sucked me dry, I left in breech of lease and much thinner but alive and not in debt.

2:31 am  
Blogger J said...

Nicole ~ Hmmm…. Dream on ;)

@#$%@# or whoever u r ~ some people r too good to be bad I guess :-p

Calvin ~ u did wot? :)

A ~ I swear. Me looking for the new ‘dark arts’ prof at Hogwarts ;)

Anti ~ well, if u do write something other than cricket n politics on ur blog… I cud comment :)

Neocrusher ~ who’s looking to reform anyway?

Fingerfood ~ Not all emotional vampires r as WOW as me ;)

Loonie ~ thanks for dropping by :)

12:11 pm  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Monday, May 23, 2005

Do I really wanna take a zero-gravity flight or ride a white water bubble or feed sharks?

You can only ever understand you in your own terms.

Every part of you has some connection with something you’re familiar with.
If we crave blood, it’s no more than the way you crave food, or affection, or sunlight, and besides, it gets us out of the house. Coffin. Whatever.

The rest is fantasy.
And the reality is?

You're you.
You're you, with all your fuck-ups and all the things that make you human, all your fears, loneliness and I don’t know what more… is that all that I dread? All that makes me any less perfect? It sounds so simple to overcome these as I type, but none of that ever gets any better.

I just get colder than I am. Deader. Lonelier. For eternity.

4 Comments:

Blogger Woodooz said...

Reality bites eh ?

Why not focus on the positives ?

I am me, with all my achievements, all your grit,my inborn humor, my skills that have been moulded to perfection over the years, my inner strength... and I wudn't know what more !!!

That way there is warmth, and I get alive and life is a lot brighter and happier :o))

Just going through all your postings... I seem to be liking them :o)))

6:56 pm  
Blogger gvenum said...

very nice....just the perfect reading for the monday blues I am having:) Cool!!

2:24 am  
Blogger J said...

Somu ~ Yeah yeah, i've heard all that and more. Me mastered creative visualisation and positive theraphy too! But i cant help it, when my mood-O-meter tips a point lower than 5 blogs like these come your way.

Gvenum ~ Monday blues??? u kidding me??? Blue's my fav colour! :)

1:09 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sharks in my pond sound like a better option.

3:02 pm  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Monday, May 16, 2005

I need something to inspire me.

The joy of writing has left the building.
These numbly woven words can only give me an eerie satisfaction.
The nights are colder without the poems to write and the only black on white things around here are the shadows I cast on the walls when I pace around the room, actually I don’t. I just sit in one corner of my bed and think. Criticising the unborn words before they hit the screen, my staring eyes.
I am turning into a trash bin here.
I am lost, lost, without the will to write.

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is it that inspires you?

7:41 pm  
Blogger . : A : . said...

Maybe a vacation is in order?

;-)

8:30 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

cant access some of your archives...why?

4:51 pm  
Blogger Nicole Braganza said...

All I will say is, when inspiration strikes, make sure you exploit it entirely because you never know when it is going to strike again! It is then that you will produce your best writing.

The muse is being a tad stubborn eh? ;)

5:27 pm  
Blogger Woodooz said...

Waiting for Inspiration to write something ? Surprisingly, whatever it is that you wrote is interesting in its own way. If someone can write this well when lacking in inspiration, I just cant imagine how good he / she can get when inspired... ahem... did that hit u as flattery ;op

Btw, are u stuck with unborn words or is it thoughts ? Most times I ssearch for the innermost feelings that are evoked in me... But when I feel, words just flow... After all words just give life to our thoughts.

Otherwise am just as blank as a white paper. Sometimes am lost grappling for topics to write...and I just shelve my desire to write, momentarily.

Do you have a way to overcome your writer's block ? I would love to know... It would do good to my poetic expressions :o)

6:38 pm  
Blogger J said...

Hey thanks all you peopul for ur suggestions... its worked! :)))

1:17 pm  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Monday, May 09, 2005

I feel abnormal

There must be something wrong with me.
What is it?
What do other people see when they look at me?
What do they think of me?
If they are friendly to me, like they usually are, do they do it because they really want to or is it just the common courtesy?
What do I look like in their eyes?
I wish I knew. But me being me, why would I bother?

I most certainly want to hear what people have got to say in my funeral. I would not miss it for the world. Just watch me :)

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Babe everything is just fine with you, trust me ;-)

12:31 pm  
Blogger Jax said...

trust me...what you want to hear from people on your funeral is a reverberating shout that goes "LOOK SHE'S MOVING!!!!" ;))

5:51 pm  
Blogger j said...

Jax's comment is better than anything I could offer. Just realized you wrote this and my browser hadn't refreshed when I wrote about your last one... oops.

11:38 am  
Blogger j said...

no, it's not my fault--what used to be an underscore in your address is now two hyphens...

5:07 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hehe!!

4:45 pm  
Blogger . : A : . said...

An interesting thought, to know what other's would say at your funeral.

12:23 pm  
Blogger J said...

A, its NOT all that interesting to have a lingering feeling about death from the time i can remember.

12:17 pm  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

There's a hole in reality through which we can look if we wish to

I cried again last night.
It’s just been 3 days.
And the last time I promised myself that this is the last time.
But I know it will come back to me again and again.
I can’t run away from it.
I’m getting to be an insomniac yet again.
And this time it’s not love or lust.
I feel captivated.
Free with broken wings.

What would I do if I wasn’t supposed to be where I was?
A serene night on a solitary peak overlooking a private beach, overflowing with furious waves sounds good.
Now if only my mind could play some grunge rock.
And there was God to talk to.

Dear God,

I need Prozac.

J

40 Comments:

Blogger Jax said...

Oye J!! Yeah you need Grunge rock and a shot of Tequila! Why don't ya join me for one Friday evening?

- God

5:11 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Prozac!:O

12:13 am  
Blogger arvindiyer said...

Waaazaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

_ GOD

12:15 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You depressed??? Can I help?

12:55 pm  
Blogger manuscrypts said...

but u r supposed to use it sparingly - the hole and prozac!!

4:23 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow J U got loads of pepul givin U loads O advice

*raises eyebrows*

4:28 pm  
Blogger anumita said...

Like this blog. Reading through archives now...

5:02 pm  
Blogger SmartOxymoron said...

God certainly seems to have a lot to say. Cant say God doesnt care, now can you? LET GO. FLY. Take a moment by yourself, and ask why youre somewhere you dont want to be.

6:50 pm  
Blogger sanguine said...

came here via anumita's blog. really liked ur posts.
you take care. stuff does really finally pass away . this too shall.

12:53 pm  
Blogger Rapunzel said...

ok, take this from someone whos seen both sides.prozac's no good (and i should know) maybe you should try the other deal.

9:47 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

confused.... too much!
hey dear wos prozac! wish I cud help by doing something

9:50 pm  
Blogger . : A : . said...

"A serene night on a solitary peak overlooking a private beach, overflowing with furious waves sounds good."

Yes, it definitely does.

6:50 am  
Blogger Elixir said...

a hug.

3:28 am  
Blogger J said...

Jax ~ One friday, sure!
Buckwas ~ :(
AI ~ Wot in the world r u doing there? u know where rite? :)
God ~ Thank u, but i'm doing gr888 now... its a bright monday! :)
Manuscrypts ~ Yeah rite! :D
Anon ~ Oh really? Sheesh man, i didnt even realise that!!! :p
Anumita & Sanguine ~ Thanx for dropping by :)
SmartOxy ~ Aaw, thats just me and my yo-yoing mood swings... dont bother :)
Rapz ~ Point noted :)
Swaps ~ Confused? u or me? :D
A ~ :)
Elixir ~ A Bear Hug :)

12:06 pm  
Blogger manuscrypts said...

u still looking?? :)

1:58 pm  
Blogger J said...

oh, u know wot? i have this theory that even if u've found wot u're looking for... u shudnt stop looking. u never know wot u might miss ;)

2:51 pm  
Blogger arvindiyer said...

AM BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK....Now u update;)

11:16 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You also need a good day like Ur birthday! Many more happy returns of the day! have a good one!

12:56 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey...very interesting blog!! glad i came across it. Will be here often.

9:41 pm  
Blogger j said...

If I gave you the prozac, would you blog again?

(not to say that I could, actually... *looks around shiftily*)

11:37 am  
Blogger J said...

J, keep it... i'll come to u when i need it. And it may not be too far :)

4:43 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

where art thou?

5:13 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah..you always seem to leave wrong urls wherever you comment!! took me some doing to reach here again...

6:46 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yup i do..and it makes for an interesting read..your archives...stunning imagery thru words...abstract and yet...advertising, huh? p.s....one more thing, and dont barf on me for that, but why does it show 5 comments when there are actually 23?

7:14 pm  
Blogger Corny name said...

Prozac schmozac...
a lil jumping around should do you good...

Hello there, this is the Diabl020, back from his sabbatical..
NIce to see your still up and running...
(I really don't remember being here before,... just followed a link from my comment box.) Nice place though..
I'll be poppin back in here soon,.
-DIabl020

10:43 pm  
Blogger J said...

Calvin ~ hehe... thanks for taking all that trouble... not that i care much... but anyways :)
And DONT ask me why my page behaves the way it does... some things cant get more erratic :-p

Diabl020~ i know... i think a change would do me good. u know any place where they sell that? :)

1:15 pm  
Blogger Elixir said...

JJJJ WHERE R UUUUUUUU

11:41 am  
Blogger manuscrypts said...

*looking around* :)

3:01 pm  
Blogger Ad astra per aspera said...

Tell me about it. *rolls eyes.
been there, doing that.
Nice blog. Reading through the old posts

4:50 pm  
Blogger J said...

heyyy... thanks for dropping by! :)

5:53 pm  
Blogger SmartOxymoron said...

Ping!

11:23 pm  
Blogger Fist said...

Hmm, I wonder where you've gone.

6:46 pm  
Blogger Dhimant Parekh said...

To answer your question posted on my blog - Yes.
(Do you notice the glint in the eye being masked with nonchalance?)
Haha.
About the absowhatever, well, whatever.
:-)

7:01 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seriously... isn't it time you got off Prozac and onto more important things? Like blogging, maybe.
SOxy.

11:23 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Waiting for someone?

A

10:50 pm  
Blogger SmartOxymoron said...

Four months and not a word. Maybe it was a car. Or maybe something worse... Ennui? God forbid.

7:59 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

6 shots of vodka, men you dont know about, prozac, etc. all lead to situations you wished you werent in.
You write beautifully, I wished you wrote something about nature or some other topic.
love,
someone who cares

12:33 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

nice post. well.... umm.... wot to say now..

2:20 am  
Blogger Unknown said...

Good post

7:10 am  
Blogger Unknown said...

Great post, I enjoyed reading it.

Adding you to favorites, Ill have to come back and read it again later.

10:50 pm  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Monday, May 02, 2005

People can be fascinating, mystifying, rewarding, but never boring.

Meet Fred.

He came here in 1946 from Poland with nothing but a tattoo.
He built a new life.
He couldn’t have children, not after what he’d seen.
Then his wife died in an accident.
He’s left alone with the memories of a time when he had nothing.
He begins to collect things obsessively, compulsively.
The neighbours complain.
You explain to them that he isnt a threat.
He’s just depressed and frightened and lonely.
But with help he can get better.

Social work helps.

4 Comments:

Blogger manuscrypts said...

it does.. but these days people do it more for self help...

3:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its all about people

4:55 pm  
Blogger SmartOxymoron said...

But people are boring! Now animals, thats different :). Serious.

8:01 pm  
Blogger arvindiyer said...

Social work is really good for a nice heavy wallet..(no offence)

9:48 pm  

Post a Comment

<< Home